Thank goodness only one of my two children is toilet trained. Although, there are many benefits to having a child grow up and begin to independently use the toilet. For starters, there’s nothing fun about changing a nappy full of crap and, at the end of the ordeal, finding it smeared all over the place (including all over my hands) thanks to my little one’s inability to stay still (AHEM! Not mentioning any names, little man...but that’s a story for another day). On the other hand, this independence (the independence of your little one being able to use the toilet by themselves)comes with a whole heap of inconveniences not even I, an unsuspecting parent, could have possibly anticipated.
First and foremost, I'd like to say, I was pleased when, a few weeks ago, little madam (strangely enough after an outing at the Museum), stopped using her potty altogether and began using the toilet; all by herself. The reason this was such a big deal was because, since she’d finally decided to give up wearing nappies during the day – at the age of around two-and-ten-months-or-so (a day where I was able to breathe a huge sigh of relief because, for some months prior, I honestly believed it might never happen) – and was quite determined to continually use the potty following a small scare which involved her dreaming up the belief that she might actually be able to fall in and be flushed away. It took months of reassurance (not to mention several demonstrations by friends of a similar age) for her to finally raise up enough courage to sit on the toilet and just do a wee. And, although I was required to hold on to her (so she wouldn’t fall in and become prey to the hungry toilet) it was a relief, because I was getting sick of having to hastily run and collect the wee-filled potty off the floor, in a bid to avoid little man exploring (and having a splash around in) the contents. The number two’s, sadly, took far longer (and it’s a far messier exercise to clean crap out of a potty – almost worse, in fact, than having to change a pooey nappy). But, with all that said, I’m pleased to say little madam is finally over her toilet phobia, and is now able to go (both to do number one’s AND number twos), all by herself.
Did I mention there’s a negative to this aspect of independence? Well. If I didn’t, please allow me to; because there is! The first negative (and the most time-consuming by far) is that little madam has decided to develop a...well...I guess I could call it a kind of addiction to using unusual toilets. And by unusual, I don’t mean extraordinary. I simply mean toilets that are not our normal boring toilet at home. Now, every time I set foot in a shopping centre, little madam decides to stand with her legs crossed and say, with a great deal of sincerity (enough sincerity for me to actually believe she might be telling the truth ) “I need to go to the toilet.” Amazingly, this will happen several times in a very short time span, despite the fact she may have been just before we left home (not to mention the fact that she’s quite capable of holding on for hours at a time when we are home). And, as a result, doing a short spot of shopping can now take an unbearably long time.
Another negative to little madam’s self toileting is, it doesn’t matter where we are (or what the facilities are like) she is determined to make sure her addiction is satisfied. For example, some years ago, our local shopping square decided to remove the public toilet facilities (which were previously located inside the supermarket), and replace them with one of those strange metal cubicles outside. If you’ve never seen one of these before, I’m certain it won’t be long before you do, as they seem to be popping up all over the place; probably due to the fact that they claim to have the ability to “self clean”, and, therefore, supposedly reduce maintenance costs significantly. However, despite the claim that these metal cubicle toilets are, “self cleaning”, and despite the fact that (once the door is locked) music plays over the loudspeaker to allow you to, I guess, better enjoy your experience, the one at my local shopping square is repulsive; it always smells worse than a bin full of crap-filled nappies, and looks more unclean than the dunny at a really busy truck stop. And, therefore, I do my best to avoid it.
Unfortunately, though, I made the mistake, a couple of months back (before little madam was as independent as she is now), to point out the metal cubicle at my local shopping square and call it, “the funny toilet.” Now, every time I go anywhere near my local shopping square (which I sadly have to because, well, it’s local and therefore extremely CONVENIENT) little madam plays the leg-crossing game and insists she needs to use, “the funny toilet.” Turning my once extremely CONVENIENT shopping square experience, into a complete and utter filth-ridden INCONVENIENCE! Aaagghhh!
Now. Where was I? That’s right. The negatives of self-toileting. Another negative (yes, there’s another...and probably several more I won’t get to mention in this post), is that our household use of toilet paper (and requirement to replace it) has now increased by, at least, four times; even though there’s been the addition of only one small (but significant) toilet user in the house. I swear, just the other morning I replaced the roll only to find myself having to replace it again a few hours later. I couldn’t understand how we’d been through a whole roll of toilet paper in such a short amount of time, and began to think I must have lost track of time (I actually began to believe that I had last replaced the roll yesterday). That was until I heard daddy - who’d gone to make sure little madam was okay after she failed to re-appear five minutes (or more) after she’d announced she needed to go to the toilet – loudly declare, “You’re going to block up the toilet if you put any more paper in there!” or something to that effect. The mystery had been solved. Did I mention that this incident will inevitably result in me having to make a premature (and INCONVENIENT, now, thanks to “the funny toilet”) trip up to my local shopping square to buy more toilet paper?
Hooray. The trials and tribulations of toilets and toilet paper. The worst thing about this whole thing is, I really should be celebrating little madam’s independence, not complaining about it. After all, it really is a huge milestone. Although, I should add, we’re not quite entirely there yet. She still wears nappies at night, after all. I can only begin to imagine what fun and games night toilet-training is going to entail. Or perhaps there’ll be less to report when it’s dark and I’m half asleep thanks to being woken suddenly from my deep slumber by the sound of the toilet flushing, or the tap running. But for now, all I can do is feel (while I’m still having to spend three hours at a shopping centre for an hour worth of shopping, and while I’m still having to pay a regular visit to, “the funny toilet”, which, in my opinion, is about as revolting as a fly in my dinner) that this stage of independence is most certainly just a little inconvenient.
Thanks, little madam, for dragging me into more public toilets over the last few weeks than I have visited (almost, anyway) in my entire lifetime. Not to mention forcing me to endure all the unpleasantness's of that revolting "funny toilet" far more times than necessary. I’m sure readers of this also really appreciate the much needed insight into what some public toilet facilities in this city are truly like. Love you!
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