The Young Hoarder

It’s amazing how many junky little bits and bobs accumulate around the house; particularly when you’ve got kids.  Yes, thanks to the good-old McDonald’s Happy Meal, cheap, tacky Christmas crackers, and lolly bags crammed full of plastic whistles that don’t sound, my house has, at times, resembled nothing more than the shelves of a $2 shop.  Thankfully, little madam’s toy-box (an amazing invention, the toy-box) has played (in the three-and-a-half years-or-so, that it has been in our possession), a huge part in helping to rid the house of much of the clutter.  So, every time I get sick and tired of seeing crappy McDonald’s Happy Meal toys, and the like, scattered around, I find myself on a mission to eliminate the clutter these small - and more-often-than-not completely junky - toys  seem to create in an otherwise relatively normal, yet still chaotic, home. 

Unfortunately, the downside to toy-boxes is they aren’t – like Mary Poppin’s amazing carpet bag – bottomless pits.  And the other day, when I tried to find room for the latest collection of plastic fantastic toys in little madam's toy-box - and after I realised the toy-box wasn’t going to close with ease due to the immense collection of stuff that seems to have built up over the years, I decided it was time for a spring clean (or perhaps early autumn clean, if you go by the actual seasons). 

What a great opportunity, I thought to myself.  A great opportunity to teach little madam that cleaning and de-cluttering is just as important as accumulating.  Great opportunity my a**!  As, what began as a mission to eliminate some of little madam's junk, almost turned into an ordeal which, if captured on film, I'm certain would have been a terrific addition to the latest season of that fascinating (yet sometimes horrifying) show, Hoarders.  For those who aren't, like me, completely addicted to crap television, this is an American series that's aired on one of those new channels (not sure if it's 73 or 90) every-now-and-then, late at night, about people who actually have real-life hoarding issues.  Yes.  Little madam, it seems, is quite the hoarder.  Unlike me, who is keen to throw out just about everything in sight when the mood strikes. 

Anyway, so on this particular Autumn day, after convincing little madam that her toy-box was well and truly overdue for a clean-out, we began the task of attempting to select a few items to dispose of .  I think, all up, I suggested that little madam select ten things, and this was in addition to all the little crappy junky toys. 

Unfortunately, as we began slowly sorting through the mass of toys, it soon became clear that this wasn't going to be as easy as I'd first anticipated.  As, not only was little madam rather insistent that she was in no way willing to part with the plastic cockatoo that came in last month's happy meal, she was also rather adamant – to the point of tears, I might add – that she couldn’t possibly survive without the handful of plastic insects, a handful-or-so of small plastic bits and pieces, and the array of plastic smurfs  – including a revolting wind-up one that spins around on the ground, but looks rather odd, like a break-dancer with dislocated elbows – despite the fact they haven’t been looked at since the day our house was graced with their presence.

It was at this point, that I began to lose patience.  Well, perhaps I began to lose it the minute she refused to let me chuck out those damn insects.  So I decided I’d force her to make a decision, by giving her an ultimatum.  Well.  Not a very clever move on my part because, when I asked little madam to choose for the tiny chuck-out pile, between a beautiful musical Steiff bear – which was a gift from one of our overseas relatives, and something I NEVER EVER thought she’d part with – and a bloody two-dollar shop tiara and wand, I nearly fell over in shock (although I shouldn’t have I guess) when she opted to add the Steiff bear to the chuck-out pile!  Aaagghh!  Needless to say, it wasn’t too long later that the mission was aborted.  You’ll be pleased to know that the lovely musical Steiff bear was secretly (by me) returned to the toy-box as soon as the ordeal was over. 

As you can imagine, the toy-box remains an overflowing nightmare.  Funnily enough, I was reliving the experience with a friend a few days later, and complaining about little madam’s hoarding tendencies, and she very kindly and wisely told me that I would only be successful in achieving my mission of ridding little madam’s toy-box of all the clutter, if she was far from the task.  I wish I’d realised this before.  See.  As I’ve said many times before, a little bit of foresight would have gone a long way.  So I can assure you, with this being the case, next time I decide to conduct a clean-out of little madam’s toy-box, I will complete my mission with great success; of course, I’ll be making certain little madam is out and about at the time.    

Thanks little madam, for making me realise that using your toy-box to help rid the house of clutter, is not exactly a wise move.  Love you!