The Great Shopping Stand-Off

I have to say that, like most parents, I am extremely proud of my two children. At times I am so amazed by them; amazed by the things (small and big) they say and do. With my three-year-old (let's just call her, for the sake of this story, little madam), I have to say, with some relief, that I haven't yet encountered nearly as many of the loud screaming tantrums I expected when I first entered the realm of motherhood. Not that she's by any means perfect, but I guess she's quite a reserved child for the most part. And being reserved (although in the right company, she can talk the ears off an elephant), she has a tendency to avoid public displays of frustration (ie. public tantrums).

Like displays similar to the one I witnessed a few weeks ago at my local shopping centre. Where a little boy (who was probably a little younger than my little madam),after deciding an ice-cream was what he really wanted - and after being told, "no", by his mum (a very brave woman who, after denying his request, began to walk away, leaving him to shout his demands at random shoppers and passers-by) - put on the most amazing public display of frustration by throwing himself on the ground about two metres from (and in the path of) the well-intentioned mother, and kicking and screaming until the entire shopping centre (which I thought, at the time, was in danger of imminent collapse from the violent actions of this small boy) was filled with his screams and shouts of despair, not to mention the horrified faces of witnesses who were close enough to see. I, who was terrified my little madam might in fact learn something from the fist-flying, ground-kicking little boy, didn’t hang around to see how the incident ended; whether, or not, the mother decided to give in to his demands to appease the furious boy.

I was reminded of this incident only a few days later, though, when I thought I might be in danger of encountering a similar display. Up until this point, my little madam has been a terrific shopper. I've not once felt that I was about to be embarrassed by a public tantrum. After all, she's such a well-behaved child in public, most of the time (yes, most of the time. After all, she isn’t perfect). Although, in saying that, I believe children are also wonderful at proving you wrong.

Now I'm well aware of the clever tactics used by shop marketers – tactics such as the strategic placement of child-appealing items, such as sweets and even small toys, at checkouts so, if asked, you feel as though (particularly with a queue of impatient shoppers behind) you have no choice but to agree to buy your little one/s a treat. But, thankfully for me, I’m proud to say – up until this particular day - my little madam has never asked for anything...not even a small checkout chocolate bar. And - up until this particular day - I felt confident that if she did, she'd have no trouble accepting, "no", for an answer. So great was my confidence – up until this particular day, of course – that I had no hesitation in taking my little madam through a large department store (one we’d visited often in the past) straight to the toy department. On this particular day, however, my little madam was about to test my confidence. We (my husband, little man, little madam and I) decided we needed to shop for some gifts. My husband, who was determined to inspect some of the more boyish toys - such as the remote control cars etc, which I'm certain were more for him than for little man - wandered off pushing little man in the pusher. And I was left with little madam who, at that particular moment, found something that caught her eye. And, I'm devastated to say, took her fancy. Now my immediate response to her question - actually, come to think of it, there's no question mark at the end of "I want that", so it was, in fact, a demand - was, "No way". I even made a snorting sound (similar to the noise a pig with a blocked nose might make) when I spoke because I found the quiet, but rather firm, demand quite surprising. Well. In hindsight, perhaps my response was too abrupt. Perhaps I wasn’t diplomatic enough when I answered her. Or perhaps I should have tried to, "negotiate", a little more (that's what some of the so-called experts suggest). But the truth was I simply wasn't expecting her to throw such a demand my way. I guess the reason for this is because, as I said earlier, she's never really asked for anything.

Well. Perhaps I'm lucky that my abrupt response didn't result in my little madam throwing herself on the ground. It did, however, result in the sound of her repeating her demand (“But I want this!”) in a much louder voice – a voice loud enough to be heard (I'm certain) across the entire department store. I was a little embarrassed already, and beginning to feel flustered, so I took a slightly different approach (or perhaps not) and answered hastily with, "Well you can't have it", before, like the mother I'd witnessed a few days earlier with the little boy and the ice-cream tantrum, I turned and began to walk away. A few seconds later a small, yet satisfied, smile crossed my lips when I realised she was (without another word) following. I'd won. And it hadn't been too much of a battle, either.

That’s what I thought at the time anyway. If only life, when you involve children, could be that simple. Sure. She was following me. But the problem, and the thing I’d missed when I took that sideways glance to make sure she was behind me, was that she still had the toy firmly in her grasp. And, after catching sight of daddy in the distance, she ran towards him and attempted a very heartfelt plea in the hope that he would agree to buy her the toy – the same toy that I had denied her request for less than a minute earlier. Thankfully, I caught on to what she was doing quickly and managed to signal my husband and make him aware that I’d already said no, and he managed to back-up my original stance.

It wasn’t until this point that I realised the danger. Before this moment, I really felt there was no way she was capable of doing what that little boy a few days earlier had done when he’d been refused his ice-cream. As she turned to glare at me – I’m certain she felt (or knew) that it was entirely my fault daddy had also said, “no”, – my heart skipped a beat. I was suddenly terrified. And, despite my apparent fear – the fear that, at any moment, my little madam person might actually throw herself on the ground to express her frustration – I hastily requested she return the toy to its place on the shelf. Several seconds passed. Nothing happened. She simply stood there staring at me with the toy clutched firmly in her grasp. I waited. I watched. I repeated my request then held my breath. Little madam remained still and continued to stare at me. Her lips began to pout. I closed my eyes. Here it comes, I thought. But again, nothing happened. And after a short minute-or-so long stand-off, I’m proud to say, my little madam returned the toy (not to its original place, I might add...I told you she’s not perfect) and I was able to breathe a long sigh of relief when we left the store without any further embarrassment immediately after. Although I am sad to say she did chuck a reasonably large wobbly when it was finally time to get in the car a short while later. She insisted on getting in herself, and when she didn’t, I decided to take the initiative and put her in. Thankfully, when this happened, there weren’t any onlookers though. I guess that counts for something when you’re a mother desperate to prove that you’re capable of some kind of control over the little ones in your life. I guess time will tell if my little madam proves me wrong, yet again.

Thanks for being such a terrific shopper little madam! Well, most of the time, anyway! Love you!